Title: Leave Seals to the ExpertsFandom(s): Naruto RPG; Harry Potter
Spoilers: from Naruto RPG land
Rating: PG
Genre(s): General; Humor
Characters: Umino-Nara Tora; Severus Snape; Harry Potter; Minerva McGonagall; Albus Dumbledore
Prompt: Snark and Snape
Summary: Thanks to Harry’s ability to defy logic, Tora ends up a long way from home and makes a new friend.
Word Count: 1,010
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter ‘verse and characters belong to J.K. Rowling, the Naruto ‘verse belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, Tora is all mine. Do not borrow without permission. She gets pissy.
Author’s Notes: Requested by Leah. Started out as them being snarky towards one another and then Tora decided she liked Snape. Feel bad for Harry.
***
“Let me get this straight,” the tall, extraordinarily pale man said with a disbelieving sneer on his face as he stood off to the side of the large circular office Tora had been brought to after her unexpected arrival, “you appear out of nowhere in the middle of the castle armed with enough barbaric tools to satisfy a small army and threaten to kill us and now claim to mean no harm.”
Tora lifted an eyebrow at the sarcasm and said, “Yes.”
“And here I thought I would never find someone with less common sense than the Potter Brat.”
“Severus,” The wizened headmaster sitting behind his desk said, warning clear in his voice even as the boy in question reddened with embarrassment and fury and the head of his house, if Tora’s memory was correct, sent him a glare.
“Well pardon my healthy paranoia.” Tora drawled, shoving her hands in her pockets.
“And your ‘healthy paranoia’ often leads to extensive property damage?” McGonagall asked with a growl which made Tora wonder about any animalistic traits or tendencies.
“You know what? Now that I think about it…yes. It often does. Dead bodies on occasion as well.” The matter of fact way she talked about killing made the teenaged wizard pale a bit, but the other two barely blinked.
“Because property damage and death is the very definition of ‘healthy paranoia.’” Snape drawled, unconvinced.
“That would depend on where you live. It was back home.” She glanced around at the four magic-users standing around the office, “Speaking of ‘back home’ how’s about you work on sending me home. I’ve got kids to take care of and a sensei to pester. He seemed positive that nobody outside of the Hidden villages knew anything of fuinjutsu.” She sent an un-amused glance at the black-haired teenager who had accidentally summoned her.
“I’m afraid your sensei was actually correct, Mrs. Umino-Nara. What you called ‘fuinjutsu’ has been considered a lost art form for several hundred years.” Headmaster Dumbledore said and lifted up the book the Potter boy had handed over, “this book is the only one left in our library with any sort of information in it on Sealing techniques.”
“And Potter somehow managed to recreate the techniques by what, looking at pictures?” Snape asked with a nasty sort of sneer at the teenager. Tora decided that she liked the man as Potter twitched and shifted uncomfortably in silence.
“May I see the picture that was copied?” Tora finally asked “I know something of fuinjutsu and may be able to discern my own way of getting home since your oh-so-helpful magic-powers are proving to be useless.”
Snape snorted as Dumbledore handed the ancient book over to the kunoichi. Tora squinted at the diagram on the page and gave a heavy sigh.
“I suppose I should congratulate you then, Potter-san.” Tora drawled as she finished rough translation of the purpose of the seal silently, the teenager looked over at her, startled. “You managed to survive your first successful summons unscathed without any training. It’s a shame your seal overshot the intended target by a meter.”
Potter stood up straighter, perking a bit at his near success. Snape was scowling at her, apparently not happy at her complement towards the boy.
“Complete success would have been just rewards for this level of stupidity. Suddenly being face to face with the Kyuubi no Kitsune would have worked beautifully if that didn’t also mean instantaneous death for my sensei.” Tora continued, all three wizards looked a bit confused but she ignored them, “I don’t suppose any of you have ever heard of Uchiha Madara? If this sort of a summoning is here it’s likely he either came from here or brought this here.” She said indicating the book.
“Not off the top of my head, but it may be possible. Is he known for summoning this Kyuubi no Kitsune?” Headmaster Dumbledore asked.
“Yes, amongst other things like spawning a consistently psychotic clan known for treachery and mass murders and being a pseudo-immortal, he was also known for summoning the bijuu lord and letting him loose on villages he doesn’t like.” Tora said matter-of-factly and Potter suddenly paled and stared at the book.
“Would you kindly use terms we can all understand when you point out Potter’s iodcity. The smaller the words, the better.” Snape drawled, a small hint of a smirk forming as he watched Potter’s reaction.
“Of course, Snape-dono,” Tora said with a kind smile, she indicated the diagram in the book, “The summons described here is for the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the nine-tailed demon fox who is the lord of all the bijuu—the tailed demons that routinely decimated my home because they were bored. He was also under contract with Uchiha Madara who, despite having been around for the founding of my village, was still causing murder and mayhem up until a while ago either by his own merits, through his clan of fellow psychos, or by summoning the Kyuubi and letting him level mountains and cause tsunamis just for the hell of it.”
Snape’s grin was positively feral now as he stared at the teenage wizard, “and what would the Kyuubi have done if Potter had managed to summon it in the school?”
“Well, assuming the ten-story demon-fox resized itself to have more fun…it would probably result in the entire school’s population becoming snacks or playthings. Kyuubi hasn’t had any freedom in almost…forty years now I think. I highly doubt any of your magic would do more than tickle him. The only reason he was stopped in his last rampage was because a Master of fuinjutsu summoned a god to stop him.” Tora smiled at the now sweating teenager as he avoided meeting the eyes of a very disappointed and severe looking headmaster, a sharp looking McGonagall, and a delighted Snape. “Is there a place I could work on translating this completely and constructing a reversal?”
Snape spent another moment apparently committing this moment to memory before saying, “I have a spare potion’s lab you may use.”
